The Not-so-ideal blithering idiot

That is what I seem to have become since Jon. Seriously. And I know it started before the break-up, when we started having problems but two months later I'm still drinking too much, I'm still anxious as can be, I'm still feeling like a complete and total idiot.

I probably tried to start dating too soon. Maybe it's still too soon. All I know is that I went from being a great girlfriend to everyone: my friends, my ex-boyfriend; and now I just fuck things up... mostly by being drunk and stupid. God, if only I could repeat last September, October, November and December all over again... And I'm desperately trying to dig myself out of the hole I created for myself. In the meantime I've been anxious and obnoxious and depressed and I really really really hope that my friends can continue to keep their patience with me because lord knows that if they're my friends they must have endless patience. I hope all of you know how much I love you.

I'll be honest, my mom, step-dad and brother being away doesn't help any. I so badly wanted to be on the ranch in Arizona with them for Thanksgiving. And I know I'll be going out there in April, but my brother won't be with me so it won't be the same.

On another note, hopefully I'll score some overtime at work soon so I can start to dig myself out of debt.

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

ई गोट अ न्यू जॉब!!

No more deadbeat Sara Tiffany!!! Oh, and I started doing some modeling stuff to take up some time and make me feel pretty. That and some promotional stuff.

I do miss all my banker buddies, but I am having a blast on this little vacation I've created for myself. Oh and I'm planning a trip to Arizona for November! Woo-hoo! I get to see my cousin's new baby: Austin Tate(r tot) Knight. Welcome to the world baby!

OH! And the Haddam Neck Fair is this weekend! No way was I going to miss that again. I missed it last year and I missed it terribly, but since I was in Dunmow, England there wasn't much I could (or really wanted to) do about it.

I quit my job on Friday!

Gemini: You've been a bit overwhelmed lately with everything you've had to get done, but an exciting adventure will soon help you leave the stress behind.

I hate boys.

Leave the Pieces: The Wreckers

You’re not sure that you love me
But you’re not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know to just keep me hangin round
You say you don’t wanna hurt me
Don't wanna see my tears
So why are you still standing here just watchin me drown

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don’t worry about this heart of mine
Just, take your love and hit the road
There’s nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just, leave the pieces when you go

Now you can drag out the heartache
Or baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with and just let me move on
Don’t concern yourself with this mess you left for me
I can clean it up you see just as long as you’re gone

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just, take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

You're not making up your mind
It's killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don’t worry about this heart of mine
Just, take your love and hit the road
There’s nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
Leave the pieces when you go
Leave the pieces when you go

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (x3)
Leave the pieces when you go

I heart muffins

Might I just say that Duck Soup in Hamden makes the most amazing muffins ever? My coworker brought me a muffin from there this morning as a "going away gift" and it was absolutely wonderful. The thing was FULL of berries and perfectly crispy around the top. And perfectly moist. I truly enjoyed that muffin. And I was sooooooo full afterwards :-p

In other news I lost somewhere between 10 and 15 pounds in the course of all this stress. Apparently I just stopped eating or something. And drinking lots of tea (yeah, like that's unusual). And I still am having a hard time with it. Oh well. Now I need a new wardrobe because none of my clothes fit! YAY SHOPPING!

BUT now that I'm not moving to New York, hopefully I'll de-stress soon. And hopefully I'll be making more money soon! That and my evil roommate and neighbor and doctor, who I love unconditionally, made me join the gym. So now we go to the gym all the time and hopefully that will help reduce my blood pressure and stress and ensure that I won't gain any weight back.

So I'm supposed to be studying...

And I have been, I really have! In fact, I'm working on my paper RIGHT NOW, but I got distracted by this article I found in my research. You see, I'm writing a paper for my Psych Practicum which is late, but I'll have to explain to my professors what's happened in the last couple of weeks, such as my car being reposessed (Which I got back yesterday!!! YAY!!), my grandmother being in a coma, my phone dying- getting a new one, that was also defective, and having a series of panic attacks. Yeah, I think that should get me an extension. Anyway, I'm working on it now and hopefully I can turn it in, study for that World Religions exam that I'm taking so that I don't have to take the class at all, and be done with Albertus Magnus for a very long time. ::whew!::

Anyway, the paper's on how I think this little girl in this program that I was working in for preschool kids with behavior problems as a result of abuse and neglect has the best chance of leading a healthy life because her foster family decided to adopt her, they're devoted, working class people who are involved in her treatment, she's attached well to them, and her real, drug addict parents are dead so they can't come back and disrupt her life. So while I was doing the research to back up my theory, I ran across this article titled "Understanding Child Outcomes: An Application to Child Abuse and Neglect" by Carlos Seiglie. It sounded relevant to my paper, so I opened it up and read it... but it's NOTHING that you would expect. Apparently they found that parents are less likely to abuse and neglect all of their children if at the time of conception they have the option of abortion readily available to them. The study found that the parents are not necessarily more or less likely to abort, but that the option alone had a positive effect on the outcome of their families. One more reason to be pro choice! (Oh and before you anti-abortionists start attacking me, I'd like to mention that I have very compelling arguments for being pro-choice that you really can't argue with, none of which have to do with whether or not abortion is "right" or "wrong." And as for that whole God thing, don't forget that He gave us free will- the ability to choose our paths and to choose the "wrong" way if we wish.)

On another note entirely, I got my replacement phone in the mail on Saturday, and it was even more screwed up than the phone I already had! Yesterday when I activated it, everything seemed to be going fine, except that it was saying that my battery was fully charged, then I'd unplug it and it would die. Then I got a phone call from my father and it just turned off in the middle of it- at a really bad time actually, because I'm sure that if I hadn't sent my father an e-mail explaining what had happened he would have thought that I was being bitchy and hanging up on him. THEN, even worse, Tiffany called to ask me to take her to the hospital because the clinic wanted her to be checked out for appendicitis. Before I could find out where she was or anything the damn thing shut off again! Thankfully her step-mother was able to take her in the time it took for me to find her phone number and another phone to call her from... and she's OK. But in order to find that out I had to call the hospital and harass them for like 12 hours, telling them I was her sister, before they finally gave Tiff the phone so I could get a real status.

Anyway, my point was that this model of phone is complete and total crap. Why can't all phones be like my old Samsung 670? That cute little camera phone was fantastic! It was tiny, cute, had all the amenities and it lasted through a four-wheeling trip that sent it into the mud, got it ran over by a truck and left in the rain overnight. It also made it through several falls, being danced on... even when I finally dropped it and split it in 1/2 it still technically worked and I didn't lose a single phone number. I was even talking to some guy at the Verizon store about it and he actually washed his and it still worked just fine! Too bad they don't make it anymore. I think I may even still have the pieces of it....

OK back to work!